Do you want your ass kicked in the morning? Welcome to our morning routine:

Before our shower, we take shots. Vodka is off the table for us, so we do the next best thing: our Wham Bam Lemon Tonic.

Sour lemon, cajoled by earthy tumeric and slapped by cayenne pepper. You’ll feel like you got slapped the first time but dayamn it gets you going.

Seriously, though, the lemon is a boost of (deep breath) fiber, vitamins C, A, B6, folate, niacin thiamin, riboflavin, pantothenic acid, copper,calcium, iron, magnesium, potassium, zinc, phosphorus and protein. This guy also has a video called “Can Lemons Give you Abs?” Need I say more? Honestly, I’d take some of what he says with a grain of salt, but I swear by clearer skin, less hunger pangs and a bonus general feeling of wellbeing.

Tumeric is experiencing somewhat of a renaissance with the hippies of the world (I count myself in that category, usually). I grew up eating it in my mum’s curries (you’ll notice I type American most of the time… that’s one word I can never change). The waft of tumeric hitting hot oil always drew me into the kitchen to watch my mum stir a beautiful pot of spiced, rich oily-red gravy with chunks of potato and slivers of chicken. Mmmmmm… One day, I’ll share a SALTed version of that recipe!

The neon root has been used as a medicinal spice for hundreds of years and is a powerful antioxidant and anti-inflammatory substance. That means that it’s been linked as a treatment for many ailments involving swelling, joints and free-radicals.

The last cab off the rank is Cayenne Pepper. Really, I use it to give us a kick up the rear end, but the capsaicin in the crimson spice helps crank up the metabolism, cleans you out and detoxifies your body.

The 1-2-3 combo of fresh citrus yellow, earthy neon orange and deep spicy red makes for one monumentally glowy, hot day pee color. Sorry, it’s true, but if you give it a shot, I guarantee you’ll feel the effects. Just make sure you rinse your mouth with water afterward – all that acid is not great to leave sitting on your teeth (nor all that yellow, come to think of it!).

The (somewhat simple) recipe:OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Wham Bam Lemon Tonic

Prep time: 1 minute

Cooking time: 0 minutes

Makes 1 serving

Main ingredients

  • Juice of 1/2 lemon
  • Good pinch of tumeric powder
  • Small pinch of cayenne pepper powder
  • Warm water, to taste

Method (and a touch of madness)

  • Add the lemon juice, tumeric and cayenne pepper into a glass.
  • Top with warm water to mix the spices.
  • Sing the old Australian anthem:
    • Here’s to (insert name), he’s true blue
      He’s a piss-pot through and through
      He’s a bastard, so they say
      Tried to go to heaven, but he went the other way
      Drink it down, down, down!

Guide for the ‘arians:

  • Omnivore – good
  • Flexitarian – good
  • Pescetarian – good
  • Veg – good
  • Vegan – good
  • Gluten free – good
  • Lactose free – good

4 thoughts on “WHAM BAM LEMON TONIC

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